Thursday, June 18, 2009

Said I loved you but I lied

He told her he loved her. I knew that because I watched him do it. He looked into her eyes and whispered, "I Love You" and his eyes shimmered with tears and a longing, a longing to hear the words whispered back to him, so that the dull throbbing pain in his heart would fade and so that he could go on with his life the way that he had always intended to. So that he could go back to his history books and read about William and Harold and figure out how and why Hastings had been so important.

But that escape wasn't to come. She did whisper back that she loved him, that was inevitable, she had been in love with him for as long as she had known him, had waited for this moment for years, had not noticed his eyes welled with tears. She grabbed his hand then and asked him what this meant; if he was proposing, if this was the beginning of their life together as she had always dreamt. And he looked at me then, he glanced right through my soul and then he smiled, a beautific smile, a smile that I had seen before. And then he kissed her on the forehead and he said "yes, yes, we shall be married".

I'll always remember that day just like I remember the day he told me he loved me. We were at the museum, and cliche though it may sound I was looking at a painting talking about how beautiful it was, though for the life of me I can't remember which painting it was now. And he had said, "Yes it is quite beautiful" and I had looked up at him and he had been staring at me. Now, I have to admit I had been non-plussed, we hadn't even been dating. We were best friends Jake and I, had been since age 4, since I had given him part of my sandwich because his mum had forgotten to pack his lunch. I'd only been so generous because I hadn't been a fan of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches plus I'd wanted him to teach me how to play the harmonica, something I'd seen him do a couple of times whilst waiting for his mum to pick him up.

After he had told me I was beautiful, I had laughed, embarrassed, what was he up to I had thought. I punched him in the arm and told him to quit being a goof. I'm not a goof he had said. I ignored him. I walked away to the next room then, "I love you Mary-Jane" he had said softly. I kept walking, but inside my heart had lit on fire.

I leafed through the book, "A hundred reasons why I love you" and smiled. Reason #45: Because you eat burnt toast. It was then that I realized the song that was playing on the radio, whilst Jake was holding her. Adeles voice sung out,
"When the rain is blowing in your face,
and the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
to make you feel my love..."

I'll let you hear it,it makes my heart soar when I hear it, just listen to the beginning. It was our song. Mine and Jakes. I saw him freeze as he realized what it was playing. I wondered then if he felt his heart squeeze like mine was. If memories of us were flashing through his mind. And then my heart stopped beating because he pushed her away. "I'm sorry" he said. "I can't do this, I don't love you."

She looked up at him then, confusion on her face.

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