Sunday, November 6, 2011

What a mess!

This week has been pretty horrible. If it wasn't one thing, it was another. Everything that could go wrong did and every little worry I had multiplied and honestly I'm surprised I didn't have a nervous breakdown.

Firstly, I had a job interview that sucked. The interviewer was horrible and asked me some really rude/inappropriate questions. Gotta say I won't be sad if I don't hear back from them.

Secondly, I had some awful correspondence with my advisor here at school. I honestly don't even know if I am coming or going anymore. I just want to quit and leave the program. I am doing as much as I can and it isn't good enough and frankly her attitude towards me seems really hostile and makes me feel so uncomfortable that I just never want to go in and see her.

Thirdly, a guy I thought I had a crush on decided to send me a text message talking about going on a date with someone. Like really? Do I really need to know? I've never been rejected in that way that meant to be a nice let-down? I don't even know. It was very hurtful and made me feel kinda bad. Like why did he feel the need to send me a text talking about going on a date. Only good thing it did was make me delete him from my phone and from my mind, haha. I'm not one who is too prone to embarrassment or hurt feelings anymore and I do not need to put myself in that position again. Thing is with this guy I was more just trying to be friendly towards him and get to know him better because he had some similar interests. I mean, yeah I thought he was very cute! :)
LOL. And I thought he was sexy...okay, so maybe I wasn't just trying to be just friendly. But still rejection is a bitter pill to swallow. But next...

I've been receiving a lot of emails from my ex-friend who really hurt me. I guess he wants to be friends again and realized that I was a pretty cool friend to have. Honestly, I didn't know how to respond. He really hurt me and while I did miss his friendship, I really didn't miss the way he made me feel and that was crappy. Like I wasn't good enough in any regards. And while, he seems to realize now that I was a pretty awesome friend, it's too late. In my mind, I am pretty indifferent to being friends with him again. He really numbed me in some ways. And I have told him sorry, I forgive you but not really wanting to be friends again and he isn't getting it. I think he thinks that I will cave in because in the past I have always been soo forgiving but I am soo over it.

Also, I have another friend who totally lied to me about watching a video I made for a class. The video was long so I can understand if she didn't watch it...kinda. But not really. When I think of all the bullshit that this person sends me to look at or read, it makes me really mad. Like you don't even support me your friend. I put a lot of work into the video and well the fact that she just straight up lied, well, it seriously turned me off.

Can you tell I am in a moany/whiny mood? Maybe it's PMS. I have also been crying a lot in the last few days. Stressed out of mind. I was hoping that I would get hit by a car or something (you know how dramatic life can be sometimes) and started looking up life insurance policies so if that did happen, my mum could get a lot of money. Morbid, huh. I was like, well I know she would be sad I died but a million dollars may help to numb the pain. And then I read a bunch of websites on term life insurance and that sobered me up out of my emotional state.

Life can be soo funny sometimes.

And then of course I have another crush; which I won't even bother to talk about because it is so inappropriate (doesn't that make you want to hear about it more)! :) It's not a huge huge crush but the guy is super cute and sweet and nice and funny and well, when you are surrounded by a bunch of wankas, that really stands out! :)

But alas alack, nothing will every come of that crush.

So this is the point where I look boy crazy or something, or in love with love or scared of relationships or emotionally scarred or unavailable or just plain crazy. I don't even know if I am any of these or all of these any more.

I do still believe in love-true love. And I still believe in soul-mates and I still believe that there is one perfect person out there for each person but the more guys I meet the more I doubt if there is a perfect match for me.

And at this point, with all my other stresses I'm not even too bothered or consumed by it (well, not really). Let's hope the next few weeks go better! :)