Wednesday, May 11, 2011

A new beginning...kinda

Hiya Katy!!! :) (It's good to be back and to think I'll be reading about Saskatoon, Saskatchewan again soon. I'll feel like I've gone back to the past).

I just looked back at some of the posts on my blog and I realized that while many things change in life, my idealist vision of love is still as sappy and sad as ever. I can't quite believe that I still believe in fairy tales and true love; especially considering the many awful guys I have met that would make any woman a non-believer.

I'm also sad that I deleted all my posts from 2006 that talked about hot prof and all my dreams. I suppose that at the time, there was nothing to do but delete but it would have been nice to look back at the posts and laugh. Yes, I am at the laughing stage now. I guess the one thing you can count on in life is getting over the feelings of embarrassment and pain.

And now I'm older and wiser (okay, perhaps not wiser), I think it's funny and helpful to look back at old experiences. Okay, I think I lied. I am older but I don't know if I am any wiser. I'm still a daydream believer. I bet The Monkees were writing about me in their song:

"Oh, I could hide beneath the wings, of the bluebird as she sings, the six o'clock alarm will never ring..."

The lyrics may be wrong. I still suck at lyrics (some things will never change) but I can't be bothered to look them up right now, laazzzzy I know.

There is really so much to talk about that I haven't really talked about in a long time. And it feels weird writing it all on my blog again. It's been so long since I've used it as a way to express my thoughts. But I feel the need to share again. Oh and several of my old blogger friends have asked me to start writing again, so that gave me some motivation.

I have a major crush. We shall call him Mr. X. And OMG- Mr. X is gorgeous. Really gorgeous. Sigh. And really nice. There is also a Mr. Y. He is also cute, but not nice. More like an asshole. And I don't really like him anymore (Thank God).  Then there was Mr. Z. And he broke my heart! :(

Cue the violins. (Please pause while I bow my head and sniffle).

Joke. I'm totally okay. If not a little sad. But not about the broken heart. Because it wasn't even really a broken heart because I loved him (I did love him but as a brother, not a boyfriend). And no, don't worry, I didn't sleep with any of these guys, or even kiss them. Lame, I know. And maybe that is part of the problem- I'm not a getting busy kind of girl and it seems to turn some guys off (especially when you start lecturing about why casual sex is not a good thing). Yeah, haha. Not a winning strategy for a love connection!

So anyways, Mr. Z broke my heart. Because he was my good friend and he totally trashed our friendship for nothing. It's a pretty long and complicated story and I will likely write about it in more detail but right now I can't be bothered. I feel like I talked the crap out of the situation n the last 4 months. Like, I don't know if I could have talked/thought about it any more than I actually did. Okay, tell a lie. I totally could have talked more about it! :)

But actually now. I'm in a really good place. I had a little relapse of sadness about a week ago. I was dumb and looked at a bunch of old photos and it made me feel a little sad because we had been through so much together as friends. Traveled to so many places and it has hard to fathom and accept that we aren't even friends any more. But some of the things he said to me, well, I don't know if a friend would ever say such a thing. Or do some of the things he did to me. It almost seems unconscionable. I'm being melodramatic now. But it's true.

I'll write more tomorrow.  I still have a paper to write for a class, and have only barely started it! Oops. I'm glad you are glad to hear I'm still a diligent student!

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