Tuesday, February 27, 2007

A character study

He grew up knowing exactly what his life was going to be like, what he was going to do, how he was going to live, the people he would impress. He had it all planned, down to the very detail.

There was no stopping him, with his boyish good looks and a brain that impressed and made his parents proud. He knew how to study, and how to goof off. But he curbed the goofing as much as he could, that was part of his charm but it never ruled his life.

There was a girl, there always is, she bewitched him with her smile, her hair, and her smarts, for she was intelligent as well, the perfect girls, they really do have it all. Beautiful and dumb is a myth made up to make the not so beautiful and not so smart feel happy. But this girl, she had it all. And she was nice as well, she was his first love, but he, he was not hers. He can still picture her face though, even now, 20 years later, and he still wonders, "What if?"

But he's a different man now, in some ways he's still the same child, fighting to achieve the same goals, with the same voices in the back of his head asking him, "Is this it?"

Life holds different meaning to him though, the beliefs he grew up with have been questioned and tossed away like so many childhood toys; only maybe he was too quick, too hasty, too eager to be done. This problem can arise in one whose head has been turned too many times, when they begin to believe that the questions that have been left unanswered can't be answered. That the foolishness and archaic ways of life they have been fed are nought but ridiculousness that has accomplished nothing much.

If you don't look closely enough, you won't see his heart. It's hidden in the depth of his soul. He sometimes forgets that it exists, it's easier that way. But every so often he feels the pang, the loneliness; he likes to think he is above it, he's working towards a goal you see.

A very important goal, a lofty goal some may say. He knows that it won't be as satisfying as...but still he plods on. You don't go so far and turn back. Plus he has admirers, and he still thrives on the admiration, it feeds him.

You see, for all his brains and glory, he isn't complete, and he doesn't feel good enough. Because he knows that he isn't the best, but he does try. Really he does. But secretly, deep down, he's not as motivated.

However, he is still brilliant, and he knows that he has something and that his something is quite special; only he has thoughts, thoughts that he shouldn't have. Not really, he gets upset at himself sometimes.

Because he needs to be in control. You will find that control is very important to him, and direction. It goes back to his childhood you see, and that's where i'll start.

I'll start with his childhood. Maybe sometime tomorrow.

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